It’s been a while…
…since I’ve posted anything on here. I’ve been preoccupied and have chosen to post on my new tumblr page (asitsalwaysbeen.tumblr.com). As of late I haven’t been feeling like I have very much to say, nor have I been feeling very creative.I’m currently in a state of stuck, which I’ve been before, but usually I’m quit good at unsticking myself, evaluating my situation, and moving forward. This time, however, I feel like I need to make a bigger leap, take a bigger risk, and really move out of my comfort zone if I want to make a substantial move “forward”.
None of what I’m saying is very concrete, I know, but I that’s not the point. I don’t think that the facts of a situation really matter. I think people think they matter, or else most conversations between people would sound very metaphysical and abstract. Either way It’s become very clear to me lately that the facts are of no importance and that how we feel drives the way we think about a situation and thus influences how we act.
For the last couple of months I’ve been in a state of observation and contemplation and have refrained from much action. Most of my action has been a product of habit, such as buying lunch at the same places every week, or at the demand of another, such as doing my homework on time. I’ve been unable to act from a truly genuine place, and I think the reason for that is that I have lost touch with this place and I wonder if I have ever been in touch with it.
I had a conversation with my grandmother this afternoon and she could sense that I was in a state of confusion. She asked me very straightforwardly, “What is it that you want?” I told her, “To be myself.” She said, “You are yourself, you’re always yourself.” I suppose she’s right. Jeeze…I’ve forgotten what my problem was in the first place…heh. Well, thanks tumbler, umm…How much do I owe you?
